A life well-lived consists of a series of good choices about how we use our time.
The only decision we make is how to spend our time. What we choose to do and who we choose to be with at any moment. Everything else in our life stems from this decision. What we achieve. What relationships we build. What skills we develop.

We are the sum of what we choose to do with our time.

“Hang on,” you might object, “I don’t get to choose my colleagues or my boss.”

True, we do not get to choose each of our interactions. At least, not without the drastic consequences of quitting a job or ending a relationship.

But consider choices you can make:

To whom do you offer your support?

Who do you go to for advice or feedback?

Who do you meet for lunch or coffee?

Even in a fixed social setting, we have more discretion over our time than we think.

How we experience the passage of time is influenced by factors such as our mood, attention, memory, expectations, culture, and context.

We remember events that were emotionally salient, novel, or meaningful. This is one reason why we may feel like time passes more quickly as we get older, or as our jobs become routine: we have fewer new experiences that stand out in our memory.

At work, our time perception is influenced by deadlines, interruptions, feedback, and social interactions. Some days, the factors add up to a Tsunami of time pressure, throwing us off balance.

Philip Zimbardo suggests that our well-being is enhanced when we use the past as a source of learning to enjoy the present without endangering our future. For example, at work we focus on our current project tasks, but we also conduct a project retrospective to learn from the past and improve project performance in the future. At home we are present for our loved ones, but also plan for the future and reflect on our past decisions.

Time is the ultimate scarce resource. A billionaire doesn’t have more than you or me. Money may protect from hardship and provide comfort, but it doesn’t buy more time.

Research shows that time scarcity can lead to poor decision-making, reduced attention span and an increase in impulsive behaviors.

In contrast, a feeling of time abundance leads to increased well-being and satisfaction.

Here are some ways we can create a sense of time abundance:

Set goals. Set goals that resonate with you on an emotional as well as rational level. These goals will stoke the fire of intrinsic motivation, creating a sense of expanding time and an experience of flow. For example, if you value fairness, the goal of improving the work context or creating psychological safety in your team might resonate with you. Make sure the goal is challenging but achievable, and that you have the resources and support needed to achieve it. Break a large goal into smaller, manageable steps.

Plan ahead. Plan your activities at least for the coming week. I use Microsoft Outlook for scheduling meetings and to block time for strategic thinking, learning, or re-energizing. Following Stephen Covey, I place “the big rocks in my calendar” first and schedule meetings around them. When possible, I include buffer time between meetings.

Create memories. Seek out new experiences that stimulate your curiosity. Try a different approach with a familiar task. Talk with someone knowledgeable in an area of interest to you. Surprise your team with an impromptu team event. (One project manager I knew occasionally brought ice cream for everyone on his team.) This will create punctuation points in your memory and help to slow down perceived time.

Track your time. Use a timer or an app such as clockify to measure how much time you spend on different activities. Compare the actual time spent on various activities with your ideal to identify time traps.

Automate tasks. Use a virtual assistant such as Siri or Cortana to automate tasks and reminders. I use Siri to capture ideas or tasks on my iPhone and sync these with my Outlook calendar. I use Hubspot to allow others to automatically schedule a meeting with me based on my availability.

Set boundaries. Say no to requests or invitations not aligned with your values and goals. Delegate or outsource tasks that are not essential or enjoyable for you. (See sidebar: How to Say No).

Slow down. Pay attention to what you are doing in the present moment. Mindfulness—being aware of the present moment without judgment—can slow down our perception of time by making us more attentive to the details and sensations of our surroundings.

Let the joy in. Schedule time every week for activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Julia Cameron calls this creative “date” with yourself assigned play. But there is no need to do it solo: invite others to join you and spread the joy.

Review your time use. Periodically reflect on how you spend your time. How could you better align your time use with your values and goals? Identify at least one task you could delegate or one meeting where you could send a deputy instead of attending yourself.

Sidebar: How to Say No

Sometimes, you have to turn down a request or an opportunity that doesn’t align with your goals, values, or priorities. Here are some tips on how to say no without damaging relationships:

Be respectful. Start with a positive statement, such as “Thank you for thinking of me” or “I appreciate your offer.”

Give a reason. You don’t need to justify your decision, but a brief and honest explanation can help the other person understand your perspective. For example, “I can’t take on this task now because I have other current commitments.”

Be firm. Don’t leave room for doubt or negotiation. Use words like “No,” “I can’t,” or “I won’t” instead of “maybe” or “I don’t think so.” Don’t apologize for saying no. Saying no is not rude; it’s a sign of self-respect and professionalism

Offer an alternative. Suggest a different way forward. For example, “No, I can’t work overtime today, but I can finish this task tomorrow morning” or “No, I won’t join you for drinks tonight, but how about we catch up for a coffee next week?”.

References

Exploring Your Mind. (2018). The Psychology of Time: Why We Perceive Time in Different Ways.

Shah, A. K., Mullainathan, S., & Shafir, E. (2015). Does scarcity make you dumb? A behavioral understanding of the scarcity mind-set. Deloitte Insights.

Time perception. (Revision: 13 Mar 2023). Wikipedia.

Zimbardo, P. (2009). The Psychology of Time. TED Talk.

Zimbardo, P. G., & Boyd, J. N. (1999). Putting time in perspective: A valid, reliable individual-differences metric. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 77(6), 1271–1288.

Image: Gerd Altmann, CC0

About the author

Mark Milotich is an authority on leadership and personal change. His keynotes energize audiences around the world. As a coach, he asks the "unasked" questions that spur reflection and development. His no-nonsense approach provides leaders at all levels with practices they can use. Mark is the founder of Claxus Consulting.

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