I’d like to help, but…

How often during a typical workday do you feel pressed for time? Rushing from one meeting to the next? Struggling to answer 50 emails before lunch? Imagine the consequences for your team, your clients, and your colleagues when being in a hurry causes you to walk by without helping.

We all have the same amount of time. All we can do is make smart choices about how we use it.

…you are not my priority

When someone asks for my help and I say, “I’d like to help but I don’t have time,” what they hear me saying is, “Helping you is not my priority.”

The concept of priorities (plural) has been around for less than 100 years. Before that, life really was simpler—there was only priority (singular). See: Forget About Priorities—Choose Your Priority Instead

The feeling of being hurried can lead us to behave in ways that we later regret. Research by psychologist Robert Levine shows that where the pace of life is fast, people are less helpful, failing to help someone pick up a dropped item, make change, or assist a blind person across a street.

In a classic study on helping behavior, students at the Theological Seminary in Princeton, New Jersey were asked to make a speech about the good Samaritan on the other side of campus. After completing their preparation, students were told either:

You were expected a few minutes ago, you’d better hurry over there.

or

You still have plenty of time, but you might as well head over there.

Along the way, each student walking alone encountered a man lying on the ground in obvious need of help (just like in the parable). The man was an actor.

Most students who thought they had extra time stopped to help. Remarkably, however, only 10% of those who thought they were late stopped to help.

How to kick the urgency habit

Ask yourself before acting: Do I need to respond right away? Can it wait? Can someone else take care of it?

Prioritize by categorizing tasks into four categories: urgent and important, important but not urgent, urgent but not important, and not urgent or important. Work on urgent, important tasks and schedule not urgent, important tasks. Delegate urgent tasks that do not require your skillset.

Digital detox. Set aside specific times when you disconnect from technology. No screens. No notifications. This can help reduce the feeling of being on call and give you time to think.

Focus on the person, not the phone. Unless you expect an important message, put your phone away and concentrate on the person in front of you. Colleagues, friends, and family will notice.

Practice time blocking. Reserve blocks of time to work on important tasks. This can include time for planning, strategy, and regeneration. Work on a task for a fixed amount of time then take a short break.

Cultivate mindful moments. This could be as simple as taking a few minutes each day to reflect, meditate or practice breathing exercises.

Reflection questions

What price do I pay for my urgency addiction? Relationships? Health? Missed opportunities?

Do I use busyness as a shield to keep distance from others?

What am I currently doing that would be better done by someone else? Why am I holding on to it?

What steps can I take to create time abundance in my life?

References

Booher, D. (1997). Get a life without sacrificing your career: How to make more time for what’s really important. McGraw Hill Professional.

Darley, J. M., & Batson, C. D. (1973). ‘From Jerusalem to Jericho’: A Study of Situational and Dispositional Variables in Helping Behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 27(1), 100–108

Levine, R. (1997). A geography of time: The temporal misadventures of a social psychologist, or how every culture keeps time just a little bit differently. Basic Books.

Photo: Judith E. Bell, CC BY-SA 2.0